After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize