i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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