the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
