so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
