he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
