3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
