Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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