she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize