matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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