Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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