there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
