That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize