Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
