He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
