what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
