im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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