i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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