1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
