I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
