Sry I called you an 8
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
