I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
