I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
