whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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