Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
