i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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