You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize