Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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