I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
do herpes really smell.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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