Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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