omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
