I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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