What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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