watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
