I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
