I just made out with a guy for $7.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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