Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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