he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
