Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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