i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
