my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
