We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
