It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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