What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
