in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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