Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
