Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
