THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
