I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
