I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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