I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
