Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
