WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
