Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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