uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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