I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
