Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
