What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
