So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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