I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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