How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
