I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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