She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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