I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
