he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
