I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
