I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
